When parents disagree about homeschooling

Written By Manisha Snoyer (co-founder of Modulo)

Convincing a partner or ex-partner to homeschool starts with healthy communication. If there isn’t healthy communication in place yet, this is what needs to be worked on first. While there can be a lot of anger and resentment coming up during or post a divorce, if you can both come to a common agreement, that your highest goal is your child’s well-being, then progress can be made. Try to put your own ego aside and work towards better communication that can further your child’s well-being.

Here are some ways to improve communication:

Identify your co-parent’s needs: Before asserting your own needs, try to understand what your partner’s concerns are. See if you can get specific as possible about their concerns around homeschooling and make sure you really understand. Go deeper and deeper. Write down what they say and repeat it back to them. Do all this before you even think about a rebuttal. When people feel truly listened to, it puts them at ease and makes them open to new ideas. They will likely be the one asking you your concerns.

 

Practice reflective listening: Try to understand what your partner or co-parent needs and where they are coming from before asserting your point of view. Even if your partner is terrifically difficult, non-violent communication styles and effective communication strategies will work to your advantage. If you really want this and really think it’s best for your kid, put your ego aside and focus on what works. Beating your partner might provide temporary satisfaction, but getting what you want will provide greater satisfaction. And that requires some humility.  Be truthful, but don’t worry about being “best.”  If you’re not married anymore, who cares what they think about you anyway. A therapist or mediator can also help with this.

 

Focus on experiences, not data: People are much more influenced by experiences than facts, especially because facts can be interpreted in so many ways. Rather than trying to shove homeschooling data down your partner’s throat, invite them to a homeschooling meetup or share a homeschooling curricula you love with them.

 

Meeting people who had been homeschooled was the thing that convinced my husband it was worth trying. It didn't come up until we were talking with people about the schooling choices we were thinking of making, though. Then a bunch of our close friends were like, "I was homeschooled and really loved it." My husband was totally shocked that all these very normal, fun, interesting people had been homeschooled.

https://www.reddit.com/r/homeschool/comments/wiquvs/comment/ijepb18/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

 

Ask for a trial run: When your co-parent feels truly heard and understood, they may be open to giving this a try. With their concerns in mind, ask for a period of experimentation. The summer is a great time for this. You can ask for a trial period and find a tool that will successfully address their concerns. For example, if their concerns are academic, you can use MobyMax to assess learning outcomes. If concerns are social, you can evaluate how many friends they have now and how they feel about their social life - and compare that to how they feel at the end of summer after making many new friends in the homeschooling community.

 

 

Let them win: We like to be right. It’s hard to lose. But if you really want to homeschool and your co-parent is especially obstinate, you are going to have to give them the win. At a certain point, you will have to keep your own win in your heart and share it with your intimate friends.  If you have a good relationship with your partner, they will be so grateful and lavish you with praise for initiating this great path that they were initially skeptical about. If you have a difficult ex-partner you have to co-parent with, you may have to put your ego aside and give them the credit if you want this to work. Ultimately, you’ll know that you made the best choice and that’s what matters.

Here is some feedback from families on Reddit who struggled with disagreements around homeschooling and were able to find a way around it:

Manisha Snoyer (co-founder of Modulo)

For the last 20 years, I’ve taught over 2000 children in 3 countries (of all socio-economic backgrounds). I pioneered an English language program in a conflict region in the Middle East. I’ve worked as a bilingual public school teacher at some of the highest and lowest performing public schools and in all five boroughs of NYC. I’ve tutored 18 subjects in three languages to some of the wealthiest families in NYC, San Francisco and Paris to make up for shortcomings in private schools they were paying up to $60,000 a year to attend.

Since 2015, I’ve helped hundreds of parents start microschools (way before this was a household buzzword). I founded CottageClass, the first marketplace for microschools and learning pods that was part of the Techstars 2018 class. In 2019, I created a virtual learning program to help families through the pandemic, a free online math tutoring program (masteryhour.org), and schoolclosures.org, a hotline developed in collaboration with Twilio and 80 other partners including Khan Academy, Revolution Foods and the Crisis Text Line, that served 100,000 families impacted by school closures.

I’ve climbed trees with children in forest schools in San Francisco, and tested new digital apps with kids in seven countries.

I’ve also coached dozens of families at different stages in their homeschooling journey. Most recently, I founded Modulo with homeschooling dad, best-selling author and tech entrepreneur Eric Ries, to help families curate their children’s education, social and childcare experiences drawing from a diverse array of in-person and online resources.


During the last three years, I’ve devoted much of my time to reviewing and testing secular homeschooling curriculum and other resource. I’ve spent the last three years talking to thousands of secular homeschooling families, and poring over tens of thousands of secular curriculum reviews and testing physical curriculum and digital apps for with hundreds of students to find the highest quality, most engaging, personalized learning materials for every type of learner.

I’ve spoken about homeschooling and modular learning at multiple venues including SXSW EDU, NY Tech Meetup, and on the LiberatedEd podcast.

In 2022, Modulo was one of 8 organizations who were awarded the Bridge Grant from the Vela Education Fund to expand access to homeschooling and modular learning to under-resourced communities.

My experience in education and homeschooling has led me to believe that there is no perfect education for every child, but families have an extraordinary amount of wisdom they can apply to building the perfect education for their individual child.

My goal with Modulo is to make it possible for any family to easily build a customized education that their child will love, and that will empower the whole family to thrive, taking into account, social, emotional and academic needs.

I love to answer questions from parents and receive feedback on how we can improve Modulo, so feel free to reach out anytime! I personally answer all the questions and comments readers leave on my blogs.

In my free time, I like hiking, traveling the world, tasting ceremonial grade matcha, enjoying dark chocolate.

I graduated Summa Cum Laude from Brandeis University with highest honors, with a double degree in French Literature and American Studies and minors in Environmental Studies and Peace & Conflict Studies.

And I love to learn!

https://www.linkedin.com/in/manisha-snoyer-5042298/
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